Don't read if you don't want to have somebody vomiting his love troubles on you shoes. Still you might like to answer some of the questions at the bottom.

Again. Thank you life. Thank you for kicking me right in the face.

So first father died after 10-15 years of slowly going down in Jan 2009. Yeah, nice when you can see the downfall of one who was once the symbol of strength in you life every day over many years. You can imagine that this is something "really refreshing".
Yes, he was nearly 85 years but I am far too young in comparison. But I got up and up again like I had it to do before in my life. Overworked, burnt out the year before but slowly getting up again.
But as soon as you stand life sometimes just likes to try to kick you down again.

So after about one year of me waiting for my GF to return from a foreign country (seen her about 3 times during that period), staying true to her all the time - and thus being quite alone (let aside friends and what is left from my family, but you know what I mean)... she moved into my town to start studying. Nice. Different apartments, which is fine with me. But now I was having great stress at work (and being underpaid but that's something different) and so she started to complain we would not see often enough. And that I might be not jolly enough.

Ah, tell me what. Having all that stuff to do around me, all the responsibilities, it is no wonder that I'm not the jolly clown when I come from work in the evening. Yes, I may have had a melancholic look or even have shown the famous 1000 yards stare.
Furthermore she was away herself or was visited by others so often that it truly is not all my fault we did see only about twice per week. (Besides she also was in university stress the whole day long! And in her spare time she was also often busy as mentioned but not with me.)

Okay, but since I do all kinds of stuff for the girl that is at my side; and because work was indeed eating me quite up I thought about how I could take smaller steps and have some more spare time. Even planning a relaxation holiday for both of us so everyone would be free from stress and we could just enjoy each other unburdened. Would have been great for both of us.

Well now she went off the weekend again to a different town to visit a person we both knew. I wished her well and to have a nice weekend, and all kinds of things. And stayed alone the weekend again.
She returned, I asked with interest if she had time to see the town and what it was for lunch and so on. Yeah twas all fine and such.
Wednesday we met at the university to have lunch and spend some time since it was a holiday here (but I still had to be working at least half the day).

Something was wrong. I could nearly sniff it.
I asked if something at university went wrong, if I could help, no? Oh shit, girl, did somebody die? No?
... then I had a certain idea.
Full hit.
She betrayed me with that guy on the weekend.

After all the things I did for her. All the love, time and money (yeah that also something okay to mention) and nerves (yes, there were good times but she wasn't actually easy to handle all the time) I spent to her. After I had been alone a year so she could follow her career in the foreign country. Not allowing me to look closer at any girl (or guy if you like).

And now guess!


The nice and kind guy that I am, I took her in my arms, cuddled and comforted her, hush, baby, it's okay, it will be fine. Don't you worry.
I would forgive her. And I told her. Not making a big thing out of it.


But she wasn't sure if she could stay with me now and so on and so on. Tried to find excuses, reasons, things to make it easier for her.
So she decided to part with me. Because she had betrayed me. (Even though I had said it would be okay and I'd just forget it.)

And that is what I told her before. Do what you want (if you have to), also sexually, as long as you still love me the same like before. It will be fine. But exactly the latter was the problem. All out of a sudden she said it was like a waking up signal and now she wasn't sure if she'd love me anymore. Though she had like sworn the I'd be the guy to become old with, have children whatever from the first view, romantic words like this.

I understand that she was suffering from the stress. Stress is never good for a relationship - but it was just a stupid month. All the time before it was HER who was away for HER career. So we would not be able to see each other. Later SHE was still busy, yes I was too, but she complained to ME. And not bearing a month under these circumstances she betrayed me and then decided that she could not continue after what she had done to me now.
As somebody to me already mentioned "Shouldn't it have been your decision to continue or not?" Gah!


Stupid BPD type women.

And fvck that unresponsible treacherous guy. He let this happen. He took her love away from me. He knew we were a couple. And he had a GF for himself. Dare to come close to me...

And fvck me for being the non-Macho, the kind and loving guy, the caring one.
Now I have nobody to lean against, no supporting pillar like I always had to be in my life! So I have to lean against myself and dig out all the inner strength (that I wanted to recharge, but there was still no real vacation for me, not even a real opportunity, such a burial eats you up, I tell ya). Glad I have some friends to distract, spirituality and other stuff to keep me going. Don't want to bury myself in work again though. It was much enough already. Still this is something that also keeps me going somehow.


Tell me:
Do women nowadays only get along with the bad and nasty or macho guys? (I still hope that women are individuals and different from each other, but...)
Do women deserve nice guys?
Was it wrong not to make a big scene when she admitted the deed?
And what exactly was wrong with me?
And why do I always get complicated women?
What can I learn from all this?
Can I give the situation a sense?